November 18, 2004
Missed Manners
Once again, it's popular to learn to mind your P's and Q's
By Janna Chan for Seattle Magazine, December 2004
Picture this scene: a smart restaurant, white table cloths, a menu with a lot of French words—and a table with a couple of kids clanking their silverware, jumping up and down in their chairs, screaming at the top of their lungs, and reaching for rolls, butter and whatever’s on their sibling’s plate.
The nicely dressed couple at the corner table are visibly shaking their heads. You can read their thought: whatever happened to manners?
What indeed. Blame it on the boomers whose roots in the free-love era encouraged them to reject the rules of etiquette and slack on disciplining junior because it just wasn’t “cool.” For the past three generations good manners and well-behaved kids have disappeared as quickly as beatniks, hippies and bra burning.
But enough, apparently, is enough.
Today, etiquette and manners are making a comeback, as evidenced by the classes and schools springing up, eager to teach kids more than just “please” and “thank-you.”
“I think society has hit rock bottom,” says Corinne Gregory, founder and president of the Woodinville-based PoliteChild. “The Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction incident was kind of the last straw. Society has become rude, crude and unreasonable in a way that can no longer be tolerated and something has to be done.” Since launching her “social skills development” program in 2001 Gregory has seen a boom in her class enrollment rates and attributes the popularity of her program to a national lack-of-etiquette epidemic. Prior to this Fall, Gregory has had roughly 2000 students, and their families, go through the program. For the Fall 2004 classes, she is starting nearly that many on her programs nationwide with more than 200 students in Washington state alone.
Another Seattleite looking to rein-in society’s loosing battle with decorum is Mrs. Dawn Degroot and her three-year-old Wallingford Charm school taught from her home. On a recent Sunday afternoon this stately looking 54-year-old was found advising a group of 8 to 11-year-olds (two boys and six girls) to prevent, at all costs, elbows on the dining room table. A central part to Degroot’s teaching method is seating her students around a beautifully set table, complete with a crisp white table cloth and three tiered cookie tray, for afternoon high tea. There, she instructs the students on how to sit, pass food, and avoid elbows on the table by keeping quarters tucked safely in their armpits. “Manners are just rules not laws,” says Degroot after her lesson. “But a lot of parents today never learned these rules. I think that parents are really trying their best at home but you can’t teach what you don’t know and, frankly, what kid wants to hear their parents nagging on them?”
“You need a lot of energy to raise kids with manners,” says Gina Oldham who was picking up her 10-year-old daughter Bree from her first day of charm class. “Charm school just seems to be more effective than when we [Gina and her husband Michael] tell her what to do because it’s a different setting and the kids just soak up the lessons more.” Bree agreed with her mom and was especially attentive during the two-hour-long class. “I tend not to listen when my parents tell me to behave,” says a bright-eyed, blonde-hair Bree Oldham. “I like having a teacher because it makes it seem more important than when I hear it at home.”
Today, etiquette classes can be found at dozens of public and private schools, such as the Alcuin School and Lake Forest Park Montessori in Seattle, at the local YWCA, churches, Girl and Boy Scout meetings and everywhere else a young person may be lurking. The classes are comprehensive and teach everything from how to set a table and dine at it to how to be a gracious guest at a birthday party and even prom dos and don’ts (i.e. make sure your date’s flowers match her dress!). The cost of an etiquette class can range anywhere between $35 (for a one-day seminar) to $2000 (for an overnight etiquette camp) and parents are not flinching at the price.
Deborah King, founder of the Seattle-based Final Touch Finishing School, has seen a steady climb in her enrolment rates since the school was founded in 1989. Her program focuses on developing the four pillars of a polished image: grace, elegance, strength & confidence and is offered throughout Washington and nationally. In the past decade, King’s school has grown from teaching just five to eight students over the course of several months to now offering five to eight classes every month with often more than a hundred students on her roster. “Parents are hungry to get their children now into these programs,” says King. “We are seeing a decline in decorum in our school systems, on T.V. and in our families. Parents are at a lost so they are going back to the basics and saying let’s get our children this information.”
And while parents are reawakening to the need for proper etiquette, convincing a child that a four-hour-long class on how to sip your soup can be fun is a whole other story. “There are a lot of rules and things you need to remember to have good manners,” says Bree Oldham after spending an afternoon with Mrs. Degroot. “I learned you don’t pick up things you drop, never put your elbows on the table and if you can keep the quarters in your armpits then you get to keep them.” Truly, a lesson we could all remember.
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Sidebar:
For more information on etiquette schools in your area and for a schedule of upcoming classes check out Final Touch Finishing School (206.510.5357, 877.808.2078; finaltouchschool.com), The PoliteChild (425.485.4089, 866.485.4089; politechild.com) and Wallingford Charm (206.354.9933; wallingfordcharm.com).
Posted by MissPicklez at November 18, 2004 03:24 PM